as always, i find this time of year to be somewhat devastating to my lifestyle. i cannot focus on much, always day dreaming and creating my version of what my life would be like if she was still alive. it makes me incredibly sad, but i find this sadness to be comforting as i normally do not allow myself the ability to think about her too much in detail. i think that because i am so far away from home this time, it has hit me worse.
but now my weak of remembrance is over and it is time to jump on board the reality train once more. i am sure the way that i deal with my grief, only one week a year, if what a professional might refer to as 'overwhelmingly unhealthy'. but it works for me. and i really like the saying 'if it isn't broken, don't fix it'. one day someone is going to have to do a great deal of fixing. but until then.....
my musician is returning to town again next week. i am quite looking forward to this. i am slowly growing more and more attached to him. physically, he is not exactly my type. a little rough around the edges for my taste. but emotionally, he is a sweetheart. already i can tell that his mother spent a lot of time with him. i think even though i am scared to death of someone invading my space, this can work for a while. he is out of town most of the time, so when i do see him, it is like a little treat. and let me be the first to tell you, i REALLY like my treats.....
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