i am feeling a little drunk with power....

have you ever written a story? if you have then you will know a sliver of how i am feeling right now. my novel is far too empowering for my own good i am starting to think. some of what i am writing has quickly become enveloped in my reality. it is a little creepy to say the least. 

i would like to explain the last chunk to you, but i don't know if i can so i will move on.

the musician is gone once more. a little more sad than the last time. i think that he is growing on me in a very flattering way.

sadie has been brightening my afternoons with a fun project. basically we drink a bottle of wine and be creative. there has been paintings, and poetry, and even a few clay models which do not look anything like well, anything. 

she introduced me to her cousin sasha. that girl is just as much fun as sadie. she came over last week during one of our creative afternoons and brought a lot to the table. i hope to see more of her soon.

i have started noticing something a little odd around my house. and i think i have bryce to thank for it. he has started leaving little chocolate kisses randomly everywhere. i have to admit it is very sweet. i am not sure if he is aware that the musician is in the picture. maybe he doesn't care. either way, i am getting my fill of sweets.

the rooms on the second level are finished. hurray! work has now begun in the kitchen. i just can't imagine a better person than bryce to be working on my house. he puts so much love and attention into every detail. my mother would be very happy....

a little romance in the spring time....

i am officially in love. with love. 

my musician has once more come and gone. which is perhaps why i have been slacking with my writing. mr. fritters is going to be angry with me. i can already feel his disappointment piercing me through the air from miles and miles away. but i don't care. not at this moment anyways.

i am sitting in my living room watching the cars drive by. but when i turn the other way what do i see you ask? why it is an entire living room full of white roses. on the desk, on the table, on the chairs, on the bookshelves, on the floor. last night there were candles too. it was by far the most romantic night of my entire life. i have to hand it to the musician, he sure knows how to impress a girl.

there was a song written for me, followed by my favorite dinner, and then the flowers and candles and, well, everything else that goes along with it. 

it was so good, i can't help but be myself and wonder why. one would think that knowing he did this for me just because he has fallen for me would be enough. but unfortunately thanks to dear scott, i can no longer just accept a night like this one without wondering if he is compansating for something that would hurt me. i hate that. it is killing me today that i am thinking that way. damn scott. he still gets to me and i think that is the saddest part of the whole situation. 

i hope it wont always be this way...

the spring has left me depressed....

or perhaps it is not the whether, but this incredibly frequent self-pity mode i have been in for what feels like a month. i think the better way to think about the spring is that perhaps it will end my bad mood. maybe not.

i miss london. i miss the noise, the smell, the craziness of it all. i am just too bored in this town. i need some excitement. my musician has forgotten about me lately it seems, which is fine. i would hate to put all of my hopes of a fantastical relationship with a very nomadic person. again. (everyone would agree that it didn't work out for me very well the last time)

so i am starting a new hobby. this hobby is going to be called my 'penny shackable finds out if she is shackable in canada' outlook. (i just LOVE my last name!) the plan is to go for a walk every day (time not specified) and on my walk I must speak to at least one new person (preferably a gentleman) pretty basic, but i think that it holds a world of opportunity for me. at least it will offer a change from the past few dull weeks. i really can't handle listening to Bryce talk about finishes on wood any longer. He is driving me mad!